A Silent Crescendo
Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings - Robert Benchley
Have you ever sat across the table of someone you deeply desire? You know that ineffably intimate experience where your eyes lock into their lips, and you follow along, with nothing around you but their presence.
It’s like for a moment everything stops.
Time slowed down to the pace of your breathe, and for a moment, she bows down to the subjection of your tempo. You the conductor, wave away— emanating the melodies of your heart. Your arm raised to signal the last push. With her orchestra, time waits for your command. She holds her tension, the music ascending. She approaches her crescendo. At the mercy of your baton, she will play her final coda, and your masterpiece will be complete. But the moment is far too beautiful, so you sit gently in the silence, enjoying her pulse.
You take in every flip of the tongue, and every movement of the eye, in that loud silence, your admiration blossoms.
Time feels endless.
The applause rolls in like the waves claiming its shores, The arrangement adorned by the adoration. You come back to earth and all that’s around you re-appears. What felt like an endless song, was but a moment to the other.
You smile because only you know how beautiful the Opera is.
The Opera.
Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings - Robert Benchley
For the purpose of this weeks write up, the opera I’m referring to is that place of solitude. You know…that place you eventually run to after life’s travails. You know, that place where you end up face up on your bed in the dark— sometimes with a tear in your eye, exchanging a few words with whoever may be listening up there.
You know that place where the pains metamorphosis is but a beautiful song.
I know that place far too often, and what’s most unfortunate of it all, is that I know it for the worst reasons. See as safe as that place feels, it’s also the place where my pains are most acquainted. As much as I know its capacity to heal, I also remember that it’s also the place that hurts the most.
So I visit less.
So much so that it’s been months, maybe even years and that place is so unfamiliar that I don’t even remember what it was first used to do.
A few weeks ago
I discussed in one of these write-ups about Lazarus, and those careful moments where Jesus shed a few tears, just before raising him to life.
for a moment, just imagine being Jesus.
Think about it. You’ve come back into this place to raise up a brother, and as great a miracle as you know to have in your palms, you are also confronted with your reality, that in doing this, you have also confirmed your own crucifixion.
I know we all know the story. Jesus was beaten, hung on the cross and after 3 days was resurrected. Sounds great right! I mean how great it is to know you will come back to life right?
Now let’s go back infact...
For a moment, imagine being Jesus. Not only are you confronted with the confirmation of your own crucifixion, but you’re also presented with your own process. You’re at the foot of the tomb, surrounded by the stench of death. If at that moment I told you that this would be you in a few days, would you be ecstatic?
Think about it, If I told you, “bro, don’t worry you’ll be brought to life a few days after, trust me…” Would you trust me?
Let me be real, if that was me, I wouldn’t. I mean, yes you might be my father, yes I might believe I trust you before, but if I was not adequately prepared for it— at the foot of that tomb, with the stench of death, with you telling me that I will walk out… I’ll laugh and say you’re crazy.
So once again, let’s for a moment imagine being Jesus, now with your own mind try to think what may have been going through his mind in those moments.
Now the bible doesn’t record anything about what he was thinking in those moments, but I can imagine him deeping the reality of the process. I can imagine him being overwhelmed because he knows his brother is just asleep, and he will wake up, but also reminded of the painful process of what the crucifixion might entail. Who really knows, but these are what I would imagine. And honestly big up Jesus and all…but man, to sign my own death papers just so my bro could live??? Yeah sorry mandem, gotta get home to the kids 🤷🏿♂️
Herein lies the beauty and what I truly believe to be…
The secret of Jesus.
Looking at the patterns of his life, we see a clear pattern of him spending ample time in solitude, in preparation for what— he, I’m sure is aware he has to confront.
In the book of Mark (Mk 1:12), we see Jesus impelled to go out to the wilderness for 40 days by the spirit after he was baptised. In verse 17, he goes on a walk, sees Simon and invites him to join him. In verse 35, we see him leave in the early morning, while it was still dark, to a secluded place to pray. In Mk 2:13, We see him out by the seashore on another walk.
We see the same pattern in Mk 3:7, Mk 2:23, Mk 3:13, Mk 4:1, Mk 9:2, John 7:10, Luke 11:11, and the list is endless.
Jesus took solitude seriously!
Notice, however, that when Jesus spent time alone, he sometimes was absolutely by himself, or with a selected few. This leads me to believe that when we look at solitude from the lens of christ we shouldn’t elude it to simply being alone but also should consider the totality of oneness and fellowship with the father, one that can be experienced in togetherness also.
We’ll talk about this another day, but the point is clear and I hope— simple to grasp.
— Spend more time in silence and solitude (with the father).
Now back to the story…
Think of the gruesomely inhumane process of crucifixion, now remember Jesus at the foot of the tomb, seeing one stage, but knowing he had to go through a painful one before, I mean these are just my thoughts, of course, but just imagine that.
Man, I would cry too, and If I’m not prepared, I just may be so overwhelmed by the stench of death, that I forget the power that’s in my palm.
Isn’t this us sometimes in our lives? So overwhelmed by the stench of loss around us that we forget the victory that comes after.
Now who knows what every dialogue may have been between him and his father in those quiet alone moments, but one thing I can be certain of is that those moments, for whatever reason— were of utmost importance to Jesus.
So if it’s imperative for Jesus, then it has to be imperative for me!
I’ll ask again…
Have you ever sat across the table of someone you deeply desire?
I believe there is a necessary colloquy in silence & Solitude. One that often is unvisited, but trust me when I tell you this—
There is a captivating symphony hidden tightly within the palms of time. One we may never witness if we simply never visited the Opera.
Dying for another 5 More Minutes?
Well, I talk about this topic a little more on the podcast, so make some time today, and have a listen!
Josiah Hyacinth
5 More Mins w/