Twenty-Six and Becoming: Navigating Change with Resilience
Embarking on the Journey to 26 — Unveiling Layers, Overcoming Obstacles, and Celebrating My Personal Victory"
I can only imagine your surprise as you open this email to find my name in your inbox, but fear not; it’s still me.
Before you dive in, you’ll notice that this is no longer "5 More Mins with Josiah" but now "Becoming."
In today’s write-up, I will share some reflections as to what led to this decision and hopefully share more on why this is essential for the future.
Ah, Christmas!
A splendiferous time of the year where, for a moment, the grey feels a little more vibrant, we feel once again a little more connected, and like waking up from a good nap—everything is possible once again. So, we all review changes, question what we’ve achieved, examine the impact, and ever so discreetly seek to reinvent ourselves once again.
I resonate very heavily with this. I’ve spent close to the last 12 months doing some deep inner work, asking myself the big questions, re-defining my life's mission, and administratively trying my best not to burn myself out. These three questions have tormented me for the last few months.
Who are you? Why are you here? And most scarily—Who would you be, If you could never do what you love to do again?
These are questions, I still don’t have answers to, nor do I ever think I will with utmost certainty. However, I return to share some key things that happened over the last few months why this space will change, and by God's grace, why I will be writing more.
I recently turned 26.
They say with age comes wisdom, and to tell you the truth, I do feel all the wiser; however, I find that they seldom tell you about the relentless uncertainty that joins along the ride. With the pressures of time falling on my back, it’s becoming urgent that all roads lead down a congruent path. In other words, who am I becoming?
Approaching this age was special to me, for a few reasons.
Many don’t know this, but for a lot of my life, I struggled to imagine life past 25. I’ve for some reason always been convinced (and weirdly okay) with the idea of having a short life. I reflect on the deeply painful moments of my youth (I feel like I can say that now that I’m 26 haha), where sadly, I was so deeply unhappy that thoughts I dare not utter now would cross my mind often. I would, for years, feel hopeless, awaiting the moment when I saw no good end. I would read scriptures like “You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” in James 4:14 and feel deeply connected. I would speak to God and share my heart, and like a bride, I would readily await whatever my vanishing may look like.
I mean not to make you sad, but truly this was the truth for many years.
I see things a little differently now (Glory to God); however, I do believe in the same sentiment of that time—Live fully, a day at a time.
I got baptised again.
On the 25th of November, I walked through the waters of baptism with a fresh commitment to take this heavenly experience and with my flesh bind its person (Jesus) to my person.
Leading up to this moment, this idea of the power and the person of Jesus ruminated in my mind. The words of Philippians 3:10-11 describe perfectly the longings of my heart.
“10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!”
Maybe I’ll talk more on this topic on another day if this piques your interest, but if any a pivotal decision I had been pondering on, this was one!
I rebranded.
This year will make 7 years since I started creating.
I could have never imagined the life that would unravel through me when I first clicked that upload button on November 15, 2016. Nonetheless, on the cusp of my 8th year of metamorphosis, I’m as lost as ever. I wonder what this year might look like creating, but I feel in every sense of the word born again.
I have spent the last few years in waves of inconsistency, often crippled by the guilt of broken promises. However, I’m recently reminded of one thing that has been a guiding light. ”You have to learn to live detached from the rhythms of consistency.”
My friend George said this to me.
Now, I don’t think that’s actually what he said—I mean he’s far more poetic than me. However, this is what I heard. What he was trying to say is that in such a digitized world, the seduction is to be sucked into a pattern where we always have something to say, so we begin to either live in such a way that creates news to share, often not diving deep enough into our lives in reflection, or we create false narratives for ourselves in a hope to have something to say or banished to the silent corners of social media—Have no voice and thus no influence. Which in the grand scheme of things is a big fat lie. I mean the authors and literary movements that changed us as a nation didn’t come from snapshot thoughts and developments but from people who lived fully, arrived at deep thoughts, and then years later upon more reflection decided to write down what they had arrived at. Shakespeare across his life wrote 39 bodies of work, with a further 154 attributed sonnets and poems. Comparing his work, with the high demand for content and heavily impactful material, I wonder what Shakespeare the world would receive if he was more consistent.
If you missed the point I’m making, consistency alone isn’t what creates impact. It’s timeliness. The most impactful of works need time to be created.
As an artist, I found that in respect for my craft, I’ve had to slow down, live well, to be well. I’m not just ink in a pen; I’m but a whole man behind the hand. I should never feel guilty for prioritizing what’s important. This year that was the priority.
If I could think of my life with a penultimate point, is everything I’m currently doing feeding to that point? The answer I found is No.
Painfully in the hype of fast creation and dominating consistency, I had done a bad job of managing the direction of my work; this array of ideas and lacklustre delivery had become like a mouth full of teeth with weak bones and no braces.
In every smile was a growing gap.
Looking at my brand and the things I stood for, I realised that the crux of my value in the internet space was first born with a desire to alleviate the lives of people who looked like me. I didn’t just want to be seen online because it was cool, but I wanted people in adversity to see me, to learn from me, and to see a life lived well in seeming impossibility.
My greatest value has not been my persuasiveness or popularity, it’s been in my genuine desire to live well, and to see others do the same, and as I look back on the moments that have defined my space online, it’s been those gentle moments of deep connection that people found with me. It was never that I was something, but that I was showing people how hard it was to be something.
That’s the journey we all share, and in some way, I had found that that had connected to people.
Naturally, as people grow things change, I mean at 26 I have a far greater entrepreneurial desire than I did at 18, and so communicating all that’s new to people who had known you in one specific way has been difficult, which is why this rebranding was not as simple as starting again, but by slowly reintroducing how you now are delicate to people who were there with your few first steps.
There is a sadness to watching a baby walk, you’re happy that they can move without you, but these steps not only signify a new beginning for you, but they also signify a new independence from you.
In many ways, I’ve seen some people’s sadness about how my life has turned out, and as sad as it has felt, it’s also empowering meeting the people who are still connected to the changes. Change alone is scary, but doing it publicly — It’s been difficult.
So as we rapidly approach the end of 2023, I’m writing to you, in hopes that you still will continue with me on the meanderings of my life as I focus on simplifying all I do, in hopes not just to be consistent but actually to be valuable to you. I’m still figuring this out, but when I think of the name “Becoming”, I think of the simplicity of the journey shared.
When going through this rebrand with my managers, we explored some key areas of value that scream out of my life, and in that meeting, my content manager said something profound.
“You might not see yourself as an expert, but you do sit on a world of expertise”
Bella, if you ever read this, then just know that that day you changed me.
Out of all the descriptions I've encountered about myself, none rings more accurate. Honestly, I have no inclination to teach or instruct just for the sake of it. It matters little to me. Nevertheless, my genuine wish is to share my discoveries and, hopefully, inspire those in search of insight. "Becoming," at least in my mind, serves as a reminder to craft from the realm I truly possess— the space of truth, experience, and simplicity.
"Becoming" represents a dedication to straightforward documentation rather than intricate instruction. With the singular aspiration that perhaps the most valuable lessons may lay there plainly for your finding.
That’s it from me today, I hope to speak more with you!
Becoming, Josiah Hyacinth.
I get you! I’ve also been sharing content online for a while (not as long as you) but I also see there’s some pressure to show up everyday. This may not be a bad thing but I do think it’s more important to show up when instructed by God. We don’t want to be doing anything without His guidance and direction.
Wow, thanks for sharing this Josiah.
It’s been beautiful to watch your journey for the last 7 years! Excited to see this “Becoming” journey unfold too 🤗