What are you looking for?
Have you ever felt this great desire to do something? Like a beaming sense of starting again? This is a story of my journey across the ocean to find a spark.
The last few weeks have been interesting. I’ve continually felt this desire to run away, but also this pressing need to stay put. I think this is often the reality we as humans face in seasons.
Right now I’m a little unsure of what season I’m in. Like some days are sunny, and extremely warm, but in a moments turn, the skies are full of clouds and the snow begins to fall. Sometimes I get so cold that I’m unsure that it will be warm again. Nonetheless, I wait till the sun comes out, and sometimes she does and in other moments, I am left waiting.
I’ve been in Canada over the last few days to celebrate my 24th birthday and trust me when I tell you this— it has been blissful. You know this sense of overwhelming peace and belonging. That is exactly what I feel. And it’s interesting because a few moments of sun, no matter how cold it was brings nothing but a deep satisfaction.
What I’m saying in a few — What now feels like a few pretty words— is that, the hard times will always be worth it.
What are you looking for?
At around 7:25, I was sat on the plane eating a few peanuts that had just been handed to me as we prepared to land. We were 30 minutes away from Toronto, but you know the way it goes… People are people, so the cabin crew began the thorough process of getting all unnecessary bags back where the belong, and getting everyone back in their seats, buckled up and sat upright.
In the busyness of the moment, I sat patiently eagerly awaiting what felt like a dream that just didn’t feel real. It may seem like a small deal, but this was my first break since 2012, and also my first time visiting Canada. Now Canada is not just a city I heavily feel connected to, but it’s also a place that is home to all the people I spend the most time with. I’ve been focused on building communities here for the last 4 years, and this would be the first time I would meet them all. So to put simply I was eager.
Whilst overwhelmed by thought, I saw a guy to my right struggle with his on TV screen. I immediately offered my help and we quickly got to speaking. Now it’s crazy how God is so funny. You know when you meet someone you instantly click with and suddenly you feel safe to share everything about your life? Yeah it was one of those ones, and man the conversation was incredible. It was crazy because I had a made a list of a few things I wanted to do whilst I was in Canada and one of them was to be open to talk to strangers. Lately, I’ve been more and more intentional with creating moments where I can collide with different opinions, people and perspectives. Like if I live just in my bubble, I’m sure I’d live a good life, but what If I could experience a vast variety of cultures, traditions, experience… Wow. Imagine how textured your story would be. So yes, a sub category of living a better story —One now a necessary goal of my life— was to expose myself to moments like this.
It would take too long to go into the beauty of all we discussed, but it was incredible speaking to someone who thought like me, who had made such an impact, but most specially who hoped and loved like me. We had gone back and forth asking interesting questions. Some like What’s the measure of success for you? Like what is one thing that you want to do, that when you get to that point you’ll be fulfilled with your success?
It was such a great conversation, and it was extra humbling because this stranger actually was an Emmy nominated songwriter, who has written songs which have featured on amazing productions with the likes of Queen Latifah, and Issa Rae on Insecure, like he had done, and continues to do incredible things, much similar to that which I am yet to do and for some way somehow, our worlds collided and we were there… In a plane somewhere in the sky next to each other discussing life, desire, love and hope.
I felt at home.
We went back and forth as our plane continue to descend and as we dug deeper, it was as if we had known each other for years. And apparently it seemed that way too. So much so that one of the flight attendants asked us if we were friends.
See myself and Kareem (that was his name) were on this flight and he was on the way back from his birthday trip from Dubai, and I was on the way to Canada to do mine. His birthday was a week before mine, and in that conversation with the flight attendee we found out that her birthday was a week after mine, so in just a few conversations, and from all the 3 different countries we were from, we had shared a few monumental dates and moments together.
I felt connected.
On the build up to the trip, with all the tests and I had to do, it just didn’t feel like I was actually going to make it to Canada. Like you had to buy the ticket first, make sure you’re vaccinated (I luckily had my second dose made available to meet 15 days before departure) then wait 14 days, do a PCR, get an ETA, and fill in your ArriveCAN before you even know you will be able to safely land and not be turned back. This is nothing to you I know, but the point is, I only became sure that I was actually going to Canada once I sat in that plane. And In that plane, in that moment, It all finally felt real.
We went back to talking, from question to question we flowed, and finally we hit a moment which for me, I believe felt like God speaking.
He said to me
So what are you looking for in Canada ?
I laughed, it’s funny because some may find that question intrusive, but genuinely it threw me aback. Like through the whole process of flying out, I don’t know why but I just continually felt this presenting sense of “…my life truly will begin after I visit Canada” and admittedly It felt quite lofty as I said it, But In this moment as he asked this question, this would also be the first time I asked myself the question.
I realized I had no expectations—Or should I say, I didn’t know what to expect at all. All I knew was that I was going, I had no sense of the itinerary as all my friends had created one, so this whole trip was just me getting there and in a sense all the comfort I had was just the simple sense of needing to be there.
I have felt this feeling only one other time in my life, and that was on the first day I visited the place I would end up going to university, fail, try again, and in the process change the total direction of my life.
I felt emotional, because for a moment, I felt like I had felt purpose again.
My answer —
I don’t know, but I’m looking for a spark.
He laughed, and dove deeper, but as I thought about it, that was as best an answer I could give.
This is where I put my pen down, and ask you to meet me here next week, I’d love to share a little more about this conversation, and also get deeper into my search for this spark, and share with you a few things I’ve been doing that I feel my be useful in what may be a search for you too!
We’ll gist next week. I’ve got a meeting to run to.
Love you guys
Josiah Hyacinth
5 More Mins W
First and foremost, I love your captivating and illustrative style of writing! 🤌🏾
Thanks, for sharing this beautiful, insightful and blissful moment. It had a very thought-provoking impact!
this was so blissful to read